Choosing Us: Marriage and Mutual Flourishing in a World of Difference

For years, people have asked Gail Song Bantum and Brian Bantum to reveal the secret to their marriage as a multiracial Christian couple, each with a high-profile ministry calling. This book reveals the lessons, mistakes, and principles that have helped the Bantums navigate race, family history, and gender dynamics in their twenty-plus years of marriage, while inspiring readers to pursue mutual flourishing in their marriages and relationships.Marriage is about more than constant bliss or unending sacrifice, say the Bantums. It's about exploring your own story, seeing the other for who they are (even as they change), and being flexible in discovering how those differences and stories come alive in new ways when joined together. It's the discovery of life in the gaps and the mysteries that emerge when we live in mutuality, believing that fullness is possible for each.Choosing Us reflects the realities and demands of modern marriage and respects the callings and ambitions of both partners. It shows that marriage is about choosing the other's flourishing on a daily basis, amid differences and even systemic obstacles, to build a relationship that thrives and reflects the kingdom of God.For Couples Committed to Building Progressive, Equitable RelationshipsAs a multiracial Christian couple, each with a unique ministry calling, Gail Song Bantum and Brian Bantum have learned to navigate race, family history, and gender dynamics in their twenty-plus years of marriage. In Choosing Us, theyreveal the lessons, mistakes, and secrets of their marriage to inspire readers to pursue mutual flourishing in their own marriages and relationships."Choosing Us is the long-awaited resource for couples committed to building progressive, equitable relationships where both partners have highly demanding careers. It is not a how-to guide to replicating Gail and Brian's relationship. It is a source of wisdom for creating your own."--Chanequa Walker-Barnes, clinical psychologist and author of I Bring the Voices of My People"While there are countless marriage books, few focus on cultivating egalitarian unions where couples grow together and individually fulfill their created purpose. Choosing Us achieves this and equips readers to love selflessly, even when it's counterintuitive and inconvenient. This book will bless your marriage and empower you to love your partner more authentically."--Dominique DuBois Gilliard, author of Subversive Witness and Rethinking Incarceration"I'm so grateful to Gail and Brian for sharing their story with us. In these honest pages about marriage, choice, family, and self-discovery, you'll find room for your own stories. This book is a gift for those seeking to create flourishing marriages of mutuality."--Sarah Bessey, author of Jesus Feminist and editor of the New York Times bestseller A Rhythm of Prayer"Tender, true, and practical, Choosing Us is a gift. I'm so grateful to Gail and Brian for opening their stories and hearts and offering this abundance of wisdom hard-won through their many years of marriage."--Jeff Chu, cocurator, Evolving Faith; author of Does Jesus Really Love Me? A Gay Christian's Pilgrimage in Search of God in America"Do yourself and your marriage a favor. Read this book."--Kathy Khang, author of Raise Your Voice: Why We Stay Silent and How to Speak UpAbout the AuthorGail Song Bantum is lead pastor at Quest Church and has created four mentoring groups nationally for women of color leaders. A nationally known speaker on topics of justice, leadership, and mentoring, she has spoken at Why Christian?, Evolving Faith, Christian Community Development Association, and the Proctor Children's Defense Fund Conference, among others.Brian Bantum (PhD, Duke University) writes and speaks on the intersections of identity, race, and gender. He is the Neal F. and Ila A. Fisher Professor of Theology at Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary, a contributing